if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize