Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
