I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
