God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
