Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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