Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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