i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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