tonight lets celebrate not being married
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I FOUND THE LEGS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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