when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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