dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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