My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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