i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
