i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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