I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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