I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
