I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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