remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how can u be prego again
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
