Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
