How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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