I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who died my cat blue again?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
