i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
