someone get that fucking seahorse.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
