I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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