dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
