we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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