I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
