a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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