My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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