I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
