Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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