ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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