a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
