Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
