ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
