The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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