moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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