when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
