It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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