"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
