oh god the rape fog is back!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
