I wish my penis had an off switch
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Randomize
