We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Life is so much better after having sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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