i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
