please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
