Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
