I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
