We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
