we have pet lesbian snakes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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