I can text with my tongue
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
