Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got her a Nickelback box set.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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