high people should be assigned attendants
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
