just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
