Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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