That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
