I want to walk on stilts...naked
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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