I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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