I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
