Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
