Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
