so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
