I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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