i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
