As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize