Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
