My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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