We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
