the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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