I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
