So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
