Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
